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Losing Innocence - one way or the other....

Yet another shocking incident of an assault on a three-year-old in a school has come to light this week. And parents are once again faced with the responsibility of talking their children through things that may not be pleasant, in the very least. 

When I was young, my parents got me into the habit of reading newspapers. I used to read headlines and then some paragraphs that my mom would’ve marked. This daily exercise was fun for me, because unlike all the story books that I read, I was told that this newspaper part was real, it was what actually was happening in the world around me; and I was always anxious to get the paper every day to see what new event I would get to know about. I would like my child to have the same habit too – but day by day it is getting increasingly difficult. One after the other, there are serious crimes reported; and when an incident such as the most recent one comes to light; I am scared – but more than scared, I am concerned - for the safety of my child, and more importantly, the for innocence of my child that is getting lost at a tender age.


That such an incident can happen inside a school premises is beyond shocking. Forget the blame game, as a parent, when I leave my child in school, I presume that this is one safe place. As parents, we all tell our children to beware of strangers – of people who they don’t know, have never met – but what do you do when the perpetrator is someone the child sees every day? Someone we have sent them to school saying this person is “OK”? Imagine being three, five or six years old, and being sent away to school and then being faced with this! I cannot even begin to imagine what the little girl in question when through or what she and her family are going through presently – but I do know one thing – I can’t believe any place is safe for my child anymore. If you are as paranoid a parent as I am, you already think that – but the fact just got reiterated once again!

This incident also brings to the fore the importance of teaching your child the difference between good touch and bad touch. It is the parent’s duty to let their child know that they are special and that NO ONE has any business touching them without their permission. 


Give them the confidence that other than parents and God, there is no one else they need to be scared of or respect more. Let your child know when it is okay to be touched by someone other than a parent, let them know what to do when they feel uncomfortable – shout “NO,” run away, kick, scream, whatever – draw attention to yourself and the perpetrator.


But most importantly let your child know that you are open to hear all they have to say to you. Most things they say in the daily course of things may be irrelevant or made-up or even too fantastic for you to believe, but hey, if they don’t feel confident to come and tell their little insignificant things to you today, they won’t feel like speaking about bigger, significant things with you later in life.I know many parents who haven’t spoken to their children about this concept yet – why, my child is only 5 (or 4, or 3)! – but isn’t it better you tell your child about this than let them know from outsiders; or god forbid, experience? 


Yes, this is a delicate thing to talk about and not an easy topic, especially if your children are at an age and of a mindset where they ask you numerous doubts and questions. Granted, there is no best time to start this conversation either – but where is the choice? There was an era when the early childhood was considered too young to talk about anything so serious, but given the times we live in today, it is better to swallow the bitter pill of speaking it out with children earlier than leaving it to fate. 


I believe that children this age are too young to grasp the seriousness of what we tell them, but then again, repetition helps and as they grow, hopefully things are clearer to them.Most parents of my generation come from conservative Indian families where such talk is taboo. I know of parents who don’t watch an English movie when their own parents are around. 


From a background like this, it is understandably difficult to speak about these issues to children. There is also the fear of overwhelming them with too much information at a tender age. I know children who say “I know, I know all that mummy” when you have repeated the topic many times to them; and then there are some others who just go blank; and a few others say “don’t scare me mummy with all this talk” – but no matter what your child’s reaction, we parents do not have a choice today nor do we have the luxury of not speaking at all.


The fact is that, no matter whether you tell them or they find out by themselves – the innocence that you are trying to protect is anyway short-lived. It is saddening to see children so tender in age having to shed their innocence because of such incidents. But my Mom taught me, ‘a stitch in time, saves nine’; and that is why I am going to have a talk with my child. Are you?  

Comments

  1. Timely Article Rashmi!! A commentary on the sad state of affairs today.

    ReplyDelete

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आईचा ब्रेक

मिस्टर सानेंनी हळू डोळे उघडले. खिडकीतून उन्हं येत होती. खाडकन जागे झाले. दुपार झाली कि काय! घड्याळ बघितल, हुश्श, आठच वाजतायेत! पण पुढच्याच क्षणी लक्षात आलं, आठ वाजले तरी किचन मधून काही आवाज येत नाहीयेत. आज तर गुरुवार, वर्किंग डे, एव्हाना किचन मधून आवाजच नव्हे तर तर-तर्हेचे वासही यायला हवेत. डबा तयार झाला असला पाहिजे, चहा तयार झाला आला पाहिजे. पण आज कसलीच हालचाल दिसत नाही! शेजारी पहिल तर मिसेस सानेही शेजारी नाहीत. काय भानगड आहे बुआ आज?   चष्मा चढवून मिस्टर साने बेडरूम मधून बाहेर आले. मिसेस सानेंचा घरात कुठेच पत्ता नव्हता! गेली कुठे  ही? मिस्टर सानेंनी सुनबाईंना विचारायच ठरवलं. पण श्वेता त्यांना कुठे दिसेना. इतक्यात, "गुडमॉर्निंग  बाबा!" म्हणत श्वेता जांभई देत बाहेर आली आणि त्यांच्या उत्तराची वाट न पाहता, तडक  "गुडमॉर्निंग आई" म्हणत किचन मध्ये गेली. मिस्टर साने तिला काही सांगणार इतक्यात,  "अहो बाबा, आई कुठेयत?" म्हणत पुन्हा बाहेर आली. एव्हाना तिची झोप पूर्णपणे उडाली होती. "माहित नाही बुआ, मला वाटलं तुला काही बोलली असेल..."   त्यांना वा

Love them or hate them....

"Behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is getting it all wrong", they say. True, parenting is a game of 'wait and watch.' There is no right or wrong here; or nothing that is a sure fire success mantra. Everyone has a different take on on how they wish to raise their young ones. And it is the choices that parents make that impact their children majorly. 

Of life lessons and listening to one’s heart - Mrs. B speaks

Small pleasures matter in life. Really small, everyday pleasures. Like, being able to smell the garden in full bloom on a hot summer day, or being able to have a hot water bath in cold weather. Or even being able to drink a hot cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Or, for that matter, being able to eat junk food to one’s heart’s content! Ah, bliss! Oh, I almost forgot, for those of you who haven’t met me before , myself, Mrs. Bhagirathi. The kids in my building call me Mrs. B. I am a housewife. Or better still – a homemaker. I work from home and generally spend time reading and surfing the internet when the kids and my husband are away for the day. I also cook and clean, and wash and iron clothes – but I guess all that is included in the title of “homemaker.” So no special mention needed. So, like I was saying, life is a sum total of small pleasures. And what I said about junk food, is absolutely true. Especially when you think of the cheeseburger. Or the veggie bur