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“Be The Best” Damaging Or Motivating Advice?


We are all taught right from childhood that being merely ‘okay’ isn’t enough. That we should be first in the race, not be in the ‘also ran’ category, because, of course, there is always room at the top; and that we can get there if we can only push ourselves to the maximum possible extent. And we believe this our entire lives and keep pushing ourselves more and more and more.

And when we have children, we teach them the same thing. We teach them to be the ‘top of the bunch,’ to ‘push themselves to excel in whatever they do.’ We tell them, “if you want to do something, do it the best, otherwise there is no point doing it!” We tell them, “no one remembers the second best, but no one forgets the best! So be the best!” We tell them, “It is important to be someone people look up to, and not someone who isn’t even noticed!”

But have we, even once, thought if it is really necessary to excel at everything we do? Why is it that we have this compulsion to be ‘the best’? And really, what is the harm in ‘not being the best’ but merely ‘satisfactory’? Do we, ourselves, in our lives, ever only succeed? Do we, in our own lives, only give the best, all the time? NO. And yet, we expect our children to do it.
Yes, we do it for their own good. We do it because it is important for them to strive for the moon, so that they will surely at least, reach the stars. I get it.

But what I do not get, is that none of us stop to think of the undue pressure this puts on our children. 
We fail to acknowledge how this constant need to excel has the potential to have an adverse effect on them, how it makes them feel worthless when, despite giving their best shot, they fail to make it to the top (which, truth be told, happens even to the best of us).
It isn’t easy being a child, trust me; and then to top it all off, we add unnecessary and impossible expectations to the mix; and what do we have? Vulnerable, insecure, unconfident children who are fraught with self-doubt and willing to do anything to be in the good books of parents, teachers and peers!

And no, only parents are not responsible for this. Teachers, friends and family contribute heavily too!

Schools give out badges for the best performers to motivate the children to do really good in academics and/or sports. But these same badges may have an adverse effect on those children who haven’t got the coveted marks, although, they have tried their best. Parents and family members often reward the best performing child with treats and/or toys. But do not take into consideration that while this may obviously have a negative impact on another child (a sibling or a cousin) who hasn’t done that well; it also teaches the child, that he/she is appreciated only when they have done well. Their worth is decided by how well they do at school/academics/sports/whatever is expected of them.

And really, do we want that? Do we want to raise children who think they are worthless just because they have come second and not first? Seriously, isn’t it too much to expect every single child to get a first rank? Isn’t it too much to expect every single child to be an exceptional athlete? Isn’t it too much to expect every single child to be the best painter, writer, orator, and essayist? Because, really, won’t that take away from the fact that every single child is the best child that he/she can be!

I think “be the best!” is the lamest advice anyone can give a child – anyone, that is, who intends to raise confident assured children who believe in their own worth. What we need to tell them instead, is to “be the best they can be”, to “give their best shot to everything”, to “do the best they can do”; because beyond that, really nothing is in our hands anyway!

What do you think? “Be the best!” is motivating or damaging advice to young children?
    




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आईचा ब्रेक

मिस्टर सानेंनी हळू डोळे उघडले. खिडकीतून उन्हं येत होती. खाडकन जागे झाले. दुपार झाली कि काय! घड्याळ बघितल, हुश्श, आठच वाजतायेत! पण पुढच्याच क्षणी लक्षात आलं, आठ वाजले तरी किचन मधून काही आवाज येत नाहीयेत. आज तर गुरुवार, वर्किंग डे, एव्हाना किचन मधून आवाजच नव्हे तर तर-तर्हेचे वासही यायला हवेत. डबा तयार झाला असला पाहिजे, चहा तयार झाला आला पाहिजे. पण आज कसलीच हालचाल दिसत नाही! शेजारी पहिल तर मिसेस सानेही शेजारी नाहीत. काय भानगड आहे बुआ आज?   चष्मा चढवून मिस्टर साने बेडरूम मधून बाहेर आले. मिसेस सानेंचा घरात कुठेच पत्ता नव्हता! गेली कुठे  ही? मिस्टर सानेंनी सुनबाईंना विचारायच ठरवलं. पण श्वेता त्यांना कुठे दिसेना. इतक्यात, "गुडमॉर्निंग  बाबा!" म्हणत श्वेता जांभई देत बाहेर आली आणि त्यांच्या उत्तराची वाट न पाहता, तडक  "गुडमॉर्निंग आई" म्हणत किचन मध्ये गेली. मिस्टर साने तिला काही सांगणार इतक्यात,  "अहो बाबा, आई कुठेयत?" म्हणत पुन्हा बाहेर आली. एव्हाना तिची झोप पूर्णपणे उडाली होती. "माहित नाही बुआ, मला वाटलं तुला काही बोलली असेल..."   त्यांना वा

Love them or hate them....

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Of life lessons and listening to one’s heart - Mrs. B speaks

Small pleasures matter in life. Really small, everyday pleasures. Like, being able to smell the garden in full bloom on a hot summer day, or being able to have a hot water bath in cold weather. Or even being able to drink a hot cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Or, for that matter, being able to eat junk food to one’s heart’s content! Ah, bliss! Oh, I almost forgot, for those of you who haven’t met me before , myself, Mrs. Bhagirathi. The kids in my building call me Mrs. B. I am a housewife. Or better still – a homemaker. I work from home and generally spend time reading and surfing the internet when the kids and my husband are away for the day. I also cook and clean, and wash and iron clothes – but I guess all that is included in the title of “homemaker.” So no special mention needed. So, like I was saying, life is a sum total of small pleasures. And what I said about junk food, is absolutely true. Especially when you think of the cheeseburger. Or the veggie bur