This is a sponsored post for Kellogg's Chocos which has first been published on MyCity4Kids.com
Its been a month since school began. The honeymoon period is
clearly over; and with it, has waned the novelty of the new school year.
Initially, our kids were looking forward to schools reopening and a new routine
taking over. New books were to be read, new uniforms to be tried on and most
importantly, new friendships were to be forged…And now, with the month gone by
swiftly, they are settling into this newness with a familiarity that is growing
by the minute.
We parents too, were looking forward to the beginning of a
new school year. We were excited about getting to know new teachers, fellow
parents; and of course, our little ones were a year older! Yayy! But now that
we are close to our first PTMs, we are equally looking forward to it and dreading
it at the same time.
‘What does the teacher think of my son's behaviour?’
‘What does the teacher think of my daughter academically?’
‘What do other kids think of my son?’
‘Has my daughter made any new friends?’
These are just a few questions that are swirling through our
minds right now, as we worry about what this initiation in the new academic
year has been like for our children.
While it is normal for all parents to worry, for some
parents, this worry is more real than others, because they know their children
have ‘a mind of their own’…or are ‘spirited’ as they like to put it… In fact,
‘spirited’, ‘energetic’, ‘animated’, ‘enthusiastic’, ‘fiery’, ‘strong willed’,
‘headstrong;’ – are some of the often used adjectives for children by some
parents.
Now, this is alright, according to experts and the advocates
of new-age parenting. In fact, modern parenting believe, that children should
be given their freedom, that we should not force our ways on them, and that
children should be encouraged to come up with their own individual ideas
instead. New-age parents are ‘buddies’ of their children who believe that it is
‘okay’ if a child is not obedient, so long as he/she is coming up
with ideas that are innovative and relevant. Modern parenting is
all about raising children who challenge the norms and not accept them merely
because someone in a position of authority says so.
The only thing is, this doesn’t always go down well with the
parents :) There are occasions when parents feel that children are 'testing
their patience'. There are times when they think it would be much better if
children just listened to what parents have to say rather than come up with an
alternative of their own! It is frustrating for parents sometimes, when they
want to get something done in a particular way; and their children have
different ideas. It gets challenging to get these 'strong willed' children to
‘obey’ their parents.
And sometimes, this gets to a point where a power-struggle
ensues. Many children respond to being forced to obey, by rebelling. They
become stubborn, answer back, and become inflexible, difficult or even defiant.
This only leads to parents resorting to ‘time-outs’ and punishments to
‘improve’ or ‘handle’ their ‘unruly’ children. We need to ask ourselves here,
if we want our children to obey us just because we are saying something,
or because they believe it is right?
What we as parents forget, is that if a child is ‘spirited’
or strong willed, it is actually good news! If we can just look beyond the fact
that we need to deal with a ‘difficult’ child, we will see that having a
strong-will is actually a sign of having a strong character. Being strong
willed and ready to stand up to someone means that the child isn’t afraid of
standing up for something he believes in. It means that he is courageous enough
to even stand up to a parent to prove his point.
Now, this may look like it undermines the parents’
authority, but let’s take a step back and think – is it important for
parents to really win every argument they have with the child?
Being spirited essentially means that a child is more
energetic, more perceptive, more observant, more sensitive than most of her
peers. It just means that her brain, her thoughts and her little body is
working at a speed that is faster than most of her friends’. Being
strong willed is a sign of having integrity. It is a sign of having courage. Punishing
such behaviour or giving time-outs to a child who is arguing to make her point
will break her spirit, it will break her will; and the only lesson the child
will take from this, is that it is not okay to stand up for what she thinks is
right. Is this really what we want our children to grow up thinking?
We need to ask ourselves, why, every time children
decide to argue with us or prove their point, does it have to mean a power
struggle for us?
I am not, for even a minute, saying we should give in to all
their demands, no. All I am saying is, why not give children the
responsibility and the freedom of making their own choices – choices that we
parents can live with? This way children get the confidence that it is
entirely his/her decision; while we are happy that children
chose one of the two choices that we gave them in the first
place.
Honestly, as much as we want a loving, lasting relationship
with our children; we also want our children to grow into responsible,
independent beings, who are masters of their own destiny and are not afraid to
speak their mind. But this is not going to happen by itself,
miraculously. We parents need to work for it. We have to make efforts; maybe
even bend over backwards at times, so our children become at least a semblance
of what we wish them to be.
And this will not happen if we insist our children always
‘obey’ us.
It will happen if we understand them, acknowledge them and
know what makes them tick. We need to accept them for what they are, not
embarrass them, not disapprove of them; but show them that they are
special and it’s a great thing, just so long as they follow certain rules
of morality.
So, if children seem to be spirited, hyper, energetic, over
enthusiastic or strong willed, rejoice!
These children already possess some of the best qualities a
person can have. Now all that we parents need to do is ensure that their energy
is harnessed in the right way to build the sons and daughters we have always
wished them to be!
#KhuljayeBachpan
Image courtesy: Pixabay.com
Sources: http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child
Comments
Post a Comment