This is a sponsored post and was first published on MyCity4Kids.com
Mom: “Oh, my little baby is learning to ride his
bike! I can’t believe it! Look, I know you are all grown up and all; but be
careful okay? No, don’t remove your helmet! And it’s okay to cry if you fall
down, I am right here okay, sweetheart? I will come pick you up right away!
There goes my little rider…”
Dad: “Helmet strapped on? You remember what I said
about the brakes? Okay, then, off you go, buddy!”
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Mom: “Rishi! You haven’t brushed your teeth yet!
Come on, brush your teeth before you go to sleep….no, don’t pretend to be
asleep now! Come on! I am waiting, Rishi!”
Dad: “Choo-choo…hey Rishi! There’s a train here! Its
shaped like a toothbrush and its going on the tracks that are my teeth…oh look!
Its leaving foam in its wake instead of steam! You must see this, come on – oh,
even better, you want this train clean your tracks too?”
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Dad: “What are you doing?”
Rishi: “Reading...”
Dad: “No football today?”
Rishi: “Yeah, I’ll go later, they will be there till
late…”
Dad: “Outdoor play is important, Rishi. Go get some
fresh air! At your age, you must get out and about!”
Rishi: “But Mum lets me read whenever I want…she
says ‘reading is the best habit you could have’…”
Dad: “Rishi? Out. Now! You can read later bud…”
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All these stories are different versions of the same point –
no two parents will have the same parenting style. One may be more tolerant,
the other more strict. We need to understand –
- Every
person is the product of their surroundings and upbringing; and this is
reflected in their way of parenting too.
- Just
like our children are watching the way we behave today, we too have
watched our parents when we were younger. So, naturally, our first lessons
of parenting, and our reactions and expectations regarding our children
more or less reflect those of our parents.
- Then
there are our own individual traits and habits – a mother would love to
subscribe to parenting guides or read through parenting articles on the
internet, while the father might prefer to go with his gut feelings.
- And
then of course, there are differences in how emotional, practical,
fun-loving, strict or easy going each of us is.
- Not to
forget, our personal hobbies and interests as well as what is ‘okay’ for
us personally, differs from parent to parent too – some of us are readers,
others can’t seem to find the patience to read; some of us are artists or
music lovers, others are athletes…
In a way, having a mother and a father with very different
parenting styles is a good thing, essential even; as this exposes children to
different personalities and different ways of doing the same things. But, it
also tends to send them mixed signals.
So then, how do we ensure that we are all on the same page?
Well, if both parents decide to collaborate and work together for
a common goal, they can surely work wonders with their children despite
their different parenting styles! Is this easy? Maybe not, but can it be done?
Yes, of course it can! Here’s how.
We just need to remember that we are all a team; and as a
team, we need to follow these 3 sacred rules:
1) We play for the same team, we have the same goal
Each parent has different aspirations and
expectations from their children. But it is essential for parents to agree on
the bullet points and be on the same page when it comes to the larger picture.
For example, maybe your child is good at sports or a great artist – now, how
each parent encourages the child may differ substantially, but they need to
both agree that they are fundamentally okay with their child growing up to
become an artist in the first place. We parents love our children equally and
it is important for us to be able to communicate to each other what our
expectations and plans for our children are and how we plan to go about.
2) 'Different' is not 'wrong'
As parents, we need to appreciate the fact that, just
because our partner does things differently from us, does not mean that they
are wrong and we are right. They may have their own ways of doing things; we
owe it to them to give them a chance at handling things their way too. So long
as we mutually connect on a personal level and tick off the important points on
our common checklist, it is actually healthy to expose our children to our
different styles of doing things.
3) It is important to lead by example
In our day to day life, we forget that we are being watched
by our children constantly; and that for them, what and how we do things
becomes the norm. We therefore need to remember when we set rules for children
and tend to think ourselves above these rules that this sends mixed signals to
children. Or worse, it could even make them feel that it is okay for adults to
break the rules. So , it is essential that children see us, no matter how
different our thoughts and practices, being bound by the same rules as they
themselves are.
We need to remember, there is no problem or issue that
cannot be solved or managed by having our inter-communication lines open; and
mutual discussions and agreeing on the essential bullet points are essential to
successful collaborative parenting. After all, we are all looking to raise our
little ones to the best of our ability.
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