Positive Parenting...It's Different!

When people ask me what I do, I tell them I am a blogger, a writer. The immediate next question, of course, is “what do you write?” And I say I write on positive parenting, among other things. So they say, oh great, a lot of people are writing about parenting these days, it makes for interesting reading. And I say, but I don’t just write about parenting, I write about positive parenting. There is a difference. (Which reminds me of an advert from my childhood: ____ hot and sweet tomato chilli sauce, its different!)

Cheesy, I know, but it is true. There is a difference. All parenting is not positive parenting. But all positive parenting is definitely good parenting.

Parenting

There was a time when “parenting” was not a term most parents bothered about. Take a look at
history, in fact, even up to a few generations back, parents did not make a big deal about of the whole “parenting” thing. You got married. You had children. They grew up. And life went on. Things were as simple as that.  

Parenting in the times of the Internet

But times have changed. The internet has changed things. Now parents wish to leave no stone unturned when it comes to raising their children right. And “parenting” has suddenly become everyone’s business. Now there are parenting forums, parenting support groups, parenting groups on social media, not to forget parenting websites and loads and loads of parenting information floating around! These address parents’ concerns, give them guidance, help them deal with real life situations, bring peace to their troubled minds. Now every parent knows “they are not alone.” Not that they ever were, but now they know it.

Of course, like everything else, there is a downside to this virtual world of parenting peers too. As SRK mentioned in his TED talk, the internet, along with a lot of information, has also given “a village like enclosure” to our thinking process and this is visible in every walk of life that has anything to do with the internet. And parenting, of course, is also affected by this. For all the talk about issues and remedies and what not about parenting, this exposure doesn’t necessarily give us the best way of parenting. It throws up a lot of experiential information; but merely knowing how someone else dealt with their parenting woes doesn’t always help us deal with ours!

Competitive parents

And the most important drawback of this virtual village, (which has now essentially become the one that is needed to raise a child), is that it has made parents not only more informed, but also more competitive. It has not only given them tools to deal with the difficulties they face as parents, but also given them a whole new world of possibilities where parents are becoming more and more competitive, always ready to one-up each other and come out winners in this race of parenting that they have created for themselves.

Sadly though, this isn’t helping anybody, least of all, our children!

Need of the hour

What we need more than anything else today – more than the parenting tips and the parenting advice (by non-experts in the field) and more than individual parenting triumphs and failures and learnings – is to bring about a change in the way parents are looking at “parenting” itself. There is no point ticking all the boxes and doing everything right by your child (or thinking you are doing it) if you do not believe in Positive Parenting.

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting is very different from “parenting.” Positive parenting is more to do with parents, than with children. It is a mindset, a philosophy, a way of life where children are not merely to be raised right; but where children are treated with respect, given freedom to express themselves; taught consequences in a gentle manner and taught responsibility through engaging conversations. Positive parenting is non-punitive. It does not depend on punishments – physical or otherwise – to teach values to children; but on positive reinforcements and encouragement given to children. Basically, it is very different from the way the current generation of parents (at least in India) was raised.

The good and the bad of Positive Parenting

And the best part about positive parenting is that it works! Maybe not instantly, like most punitive parenting ways ensure they work; but in the long run, positive parenting definitely works! But you know the worst part about positive parenting? It is that this is extremely difficult to practice! Because we are conditioned to believe, that being friendly with children spoils them. We are taught (many times through our own experiences) that fear gets instant results. So anything that talks about befriending our children is off limits to us. Then there is also the problem of not knowing how to be friends with our children! Because as much as we all love our children, none of us want to spoil them! And so, we are skeptical about anything that says don’t punish children, because we think, how will they learn otherwise? We are not happy to let children get the better of us, because, after all, we are parents, and children should listen to us, not the other way round.  

It works!

But as I have said before, positive parenting, in the long run, definitely works! And that is why it is totally worth the effort we put in as parents today. Positive parenting, while offering gentle, loving guidance; gives children the confidence that they can bank on to lead an independent, successful life in the future. It also helps build a secure attachment between parents and children and creates a lasting bond that goes beyond the boundaries of age and time. Positive parenting is effective. It is efficient. Positive parenting is different!

Pic Courtesy: Freepik