When the world goes black!

“What?”

“Ananta…”

“Have you gone mad Krishna? Do you know what you are saying?”

“I am not happy about this either Ananta. But…it is the right thing to do.”

“The right thing to do!” He spits out the words, turning away from her.

Krishna purses her lips. She can see a vein pulsating at his temple.

“And you have decided this?” he asks, still refusing to look at her. “All by yourself? I don’t get any say at all?”

Krishna has known this was not going to be easy. Not after what she has told him today. But now she knows Ananta is never going to forgive her.

“Ananta, please, don’t get angry…”

“You don’t get to do this! Okay? You have no right!” He is livid.

Speaking to the housekeeper has made Krishna realise how naïve she and Ananta were being. She has come to understand that what they were hoping for, is something that only works in movies, in fairy tales. Because in reality, the society never sees the good in anything. It always looks for the negatives, the loopholes, the wrongs….And it is so busy looking for all the wrongs that it has lost the ability to recognise the good and the pure!

And that is why Krishna has told Ananta today that they should not give people more opportunity to gossip. Maybe…she has broached…maybe she could go away to her daughter’s… for a few months? Or maybe....just maybe, Ananta could visit his son abroad? Or maybe…and this she has barely whispered… maybe Krishna could look for some other place, another city, perhaps, to relocate? And Ananta is furious!

Krishna isn’t surprised. She’d known he would react this way. But she also knows that if they have to live in the society, they have to play by its rules.  

“Ananta…” she ventures.

When he turns suddenly, she flinches at the raw anger on his face.

Krishna knows what anger looks like. She has seen anger many times before. But it has never looked like this. This is something else.

This, she realises with a jolt, is how anger looks when you peel the cover on a hurt that hasn’t healed. This, is how anger looks when it originates from a broken heart.

“You have no right, Krishna!” He is so angry, his lips barely move. “I told you, don’t break my heart…. You cannot make this decision yourself! You ….you cannot just…walk into my life whenever you want and then decide to walk out!” he says, throwing up his hands.

“Ananta…please….”

He walks up to her then. And grips her arm so tight, she misses a beat.

“You are hurting me, Ananta,” she winces.

“No Krishna,” he retorts, “You are hurting me! Again!” he hisses, letting go, and starts to walk out.

Krishna knows abuse – emotional, physical – but it is only now, that Krishna gets to see what abuse is not.

“Ananta, please…”

“What is it Krishna? Really?” he asks, stopping at the threshold. “What is it that I need to prove now? What is it that I cannot give you? Why are you breaking my heart again? What do you want Krishna? Tell me, I will do anything for you. You know that.”

And then, almost as if he has realised something just now, he says –

“Oh! Do you…? Do you want a social seal? Do you think people will then stop talking about us, Krishna? Do you think if we were not just neighbours or long lost friends who are getting too close in old age, but we were… Do you think then people would not gossip about us? Is that it Krishna? Because I can do that! I can officiate…”

“Ananta!”

“Why then, Krishna?” he is shouting now. “Why do things have to change? Just because the housekeeper said something, why should we not be friends anymore? It is not fair! Just because people talk, just because people have nothing else to do but gossip…it is not fair for us to give up our dreams!”

Krishna has no answer for him.

And in the silence that follows, he stalks out.  

Later that night, Krishna sees a dim light burning in Ananta’s bedroom. It is still early, but Krishna knows he won’t be able to sleep. Neither would she. She can also hear soft notes of music from his window. No, not music, she realises, these are songs – Kishore Kumar – she knows this soulful voice. Ananta has always loved to hear old classics, but this particular melancholy is something else. It tugs at her heart.

Is Ananta right? She finds herself wondering. Am I being cold-hearted? She asks herself. Am I so cruel?

And before she realises, she hears a song that makes her eyes well up…. Kaise kahen hum, Kishore Kumar croons… and there is nothing she can do but to sit at her window and break down…

Kaise kahen hum, pyar ne humko kya kya khel dikhaye…

Yun sharmayi, kismat humse; Khud se hum sharmaye…  

(Oh, how do I tell you what games, Love has played with me)

Fate has shied away from me in such a way, that I feel embarrassed of myself)

Through wet eyes, Krishna stares at the gathering clouds. She knows a storm is imminent. And she knows this storm is completely her doing. But she has no idea what to do about it.

Baagon ko to patjhad loote, loota humein bahar ne

Duniya marti maut se lekin, maara humko pyar ne

Apna wo haal hai, beech safar mein, Jaise koi lut jaaye!

(A garden is destroyed by (in) autumn, (but) I have been destroyed by (in) spring

The world dies of death, (but) I have been killed by Love

My condition is similar to the one who has been looted in the middle of the journey)

Ananta is right to be upset with her. She thinks. She is doing it to him again – hurting him the way she had hurt him all those years ago. Not giving him what he asks of her. And then she gives a mirthless laugh at the irony – because the truth is, she too wants what Ananta does!

Tum kya jaano, kya chaha tha, Kya lekar aaye hum

Toote sapne, ghayal nagme, kuch shole, kuch sabnam,

Kitna kuch hai, paaya humne, kahe to, Kaha na jaaye…

(How do I tell you what I had hoped for and what I have gotten instead?

Broken dreams, wounded melodies, some burning coals and some dew drops

I have gained so much, I just cannot tell you)

Krishna sighs. Why should she always let go of what she wants? Why shouldn’t she give in to her desires? Why shouldn’t she…like Ananta says…decide not to think of the society? Why…?

Aisi baji shehnayi ghar mein….ab tak so na sake hum

Apno ne humko itna sataya, roye to ro na sake hum…

Ab to karo kuch aisa yaaron, Hosh na humko aaye…

(Thus was the sound of the Shehnai* at home, I haven’t been able to sleep yet

My own (people) have troubled me so much, I haven’t been able to cry yet

Now just do something my friends, so I lose the sense of everything around me)

As the song ends, Krishna finds herself struggling to breathe. What is the point in living, she thinks, if she is going to make that one person sad, who means the world to her! What life would that be, she ponders, if she gives up the only thing that matters to her, yet again, just because the society doesn’t agree …

Is it not time for her to do the right thing? Do what is right for her and for Ananta….

She knows Ananta will stand by her against the toughest of tides. But, does she have what it would take to do the right thing? Does she have the nerve? Does she have the strength…? 

Krishna wakes up disoriented. She is moving. That is the first thing she understands. She is lying on a bed, and she is moving. She tries to open her eyes, but it’s a huge effort.  

Who is holding her hand? Why can’t she sit up? Is she strapped to a bed? A bed that is moving! What covers her nose and mouth? A mask! A mask? Why a mask? Why is she finding it hard to breathe? She panics.  Ananta….Ananta…?

“Shhh…Krishna…” she hears Ananta’s voice in her ear, and her panic subsides a bit.

“You are alright.” He says. He is the one holding her hand. “Everything is fine. Don’t worry now, I’ve got you,” he says. He keeps patting her hand.   

She can sense there are other people around. And she can hear the wail of a siren! Why are the police involved? No! This isn’t the wail of a police vehicle. This is the siren of an ambulance!

Just as the realisation hits, she feels Ananta very close to her. He whispers continuously in her ear. “You’ll be alright,” he keeps saying. Why? What has happened to her? Is she in an ambulance? How did Ananta come to be in the ambulance? Why does he look so pale?

"Stay with me Krishna!” he shouts suddenly. And then Krishna sees someone wearing a white lab coat peering down at her. Ananta tightens his hold on her hand as she feels a prick on her arm.

And then everything goes black. 

Note: This is Part 8, the penultimate part of the story I am writing for WriteTribe’s October 2017 ProBlogger Challenge.

The story is presented as an ongoing series. 
You can check out the story so far in Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 and Part 7. And here's what happens in the last and final Part 9.